On the rise of fear-based defensiveness, and why understanding through the lens of love is still the answer.
I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts this morning while doing laundry when I had a very strong impression.
The more a group is criticized, the more radical its true believers become.
I want to make clear that “criticism” is a term that feels slightly misaligned in this post. What I really want to say is, “The sharing of personal stories of harm caused by individuals and institutions, coupled with factual revelations about history, practices, dishonesty, and the secrets institutions would rather keep secret.”
That’s too long, so I’ll just say “criticism” going forward.
The discussion was about the similarities between Scientology and Mormonism, and how the LDS church in particular has become noticeably more litigious and aggressive toward members who openly question its practices and contradictions in recent years. Scientology has operated that way for a long time. What I'm noticing is a broader institutional shift toward "the best defense is a good offense."
I'll be honest. My first reaction to this was personal, and not particularly generous. I have my own history with this institution, and that history shaped my initial impression. But I also recognized, even as I felt it, that this reaction wasn't coming from my higher self or from Spirit. It was coming from my human self, being completely honest about how I felt. I'm choosing to take the broader view, and here's where I landed.
The extremism rising within Mormonism is a reflection of something much bigger: the extremism that's been building across our broader society for years, if not decades. The rise of podcasts critical of the LDS church, its practices, and the steady revelation of secrets the institution would rather keep hidden has created a "circle the wagons" mindset. Aggressive, confrontational behavior that used to live at the fringes is becoming more common, and the voices saying "we can disagree agreeably" are getting drowned out.
In essence, the steady stream of revelations about the harm caused by the church's practices, culture, and beliefs is creating a protective backlash among its most committed members. Voices that never used to have a place in the church I grew up in are now some of the loudest in the room. And this isn't unique to Mormonism. It's a pattern I see playing out across religion and politics alike. Extreme, vitriolic voices gaining prominence, while the more reasoned, measured voices get pushed to the margins.
Despite my own negative experiences with the institution and its more extreme members, the majority of active members I know are kind and loving people. And honestly? I'd rather have someone tell me to my face that they believe I'm going to hell than deal with the behind-the-back gossip I witnessed while I was active and a believing member.
My personal experience is that criticism is defined in the eye of the beholder. What one person sees as sharing a personal story with profound implications, another sees as an attack on them and everything they believe. The lens we see the world through is deeply personal, shaped by our own experiences and how we've interpreted them.
I won't sugarcoat what I went through as a non-conformist doing my best to conform to a belief system that crushed me. But I also recognize that the same belief system has brought spiritual comfort, peace, and clarity to many people in my family, and to thousands of others. Our spiritual path is uniquely our own. Mine just happened to take me somewhere different than the one I was raised in.
I'm not angry. If anything, I'm happy to see the joy other people experience because they have a belief system that genuinely works for them.
My current belief system works for me too. It's evolving and expanding with every new conversation and insight. I've come to be okay with uncertainty, because all it really means is that I'm on an amazing journey of never-ending discovery and expansion. It fits perfectly with my ADHD brain, which is always seeking adventure, novelty, and new experiences anyway.
So, what's the point of all this?
Maybe just this: the loudest voices right now are often the most afraid ones, on every side of every divide. And the antidote to fear has never been more fear. It's understanding, curiosity, love, and a willingness to hold space for paths different from our own, even while staying honest about our own experiences along the way.
I felt this needed to be said, so I said it. I hope it does some good.
Be well. Be joyous. Be grateful. Always.
With love,
Appio 🌿
