I’ve spent much of my life believing that things always get better. I told myself that if I didn’t like my current circumstances, they’d eventually improve. Inevitably, they did. My life experience is why hope is such a fundamental state of mind for me. That said, I find that recently, I haven’t resonated with the energy of hope the way I once did.

I was confused because hope always gave me something to aim for. Weirdly, I connected hope with the Buddhist teaching of impermanence. If I wasn’t happy with a particular circumstance, I didn’t lose sleep over it because I knew it would eventually pass. If I was having a wonderful time, I maximized my enjoyment because I knew it would also pass. In my mind, I knew that the highs and lows of life always passed, so how could I not be filled with hope?

That’s probably why I love roller coasters so much. They’re fast and exciting, filled with ups, downs, twists, turns, and loops, and every time I ride one, I step off laughing and grinning uncontrollably. For me, life is an exhilarating, and sometimes scary, roller coaster ride.

There were times when the ride was too difficult, and I would get off the roller coaster and sit on the sidelines. These were prolonged slumps, but even then, they were punctuated by moments of joy and excitement. Hope carried me through because I had faith that things would improve—and they always did until the next challenge came along.

Now, I found my relationship with hope evolving.

The evolution has been subtle but noticeable. I’m comforted by the energy of hope, but I also notice that I get complacent if I lean too much into that energy. Simply put, too much hope makes me sit on my butt and wait for the inevitable changes rather than getting up and doing something to create a more enjoyable experience. Too much hope takes me out of the present moment, I do nothing, and I don’t see what’s in front of me, here and now. I’m too focused on what might be versus what is.

That’s a recipe for suffering, and I’m done doing that to myself.

With that awareness, I started paying attention to what motivated me to take action. 

“Hope is fine, but understanding how things work is better. Once you understand how things work, you no longer need hope because you have knowledge of how things work, and therefore, hope is unnecessary because you know your actions, in a certain state of being, will create a certain result in your experiential reality.” —Bashar, channeled by Darryl Anka. 

I heard that quote around the time when I started paying attention to what motivates me. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that hope was often my starting point, but action was what created the circumstances I wanted to experience.

However, as someone who has spent his entire life living with major depression, lack of motivation is a real challenge. What motivated me to act when I was in my darkest state of mind? 

In a word, gratitude. Gratitude was—and is—my motivator. It unfailingly directs my attention to the present moment. When I’m grateful, regardless of my circumstances, I naturally fall into my default state of joy. Joy, even a tiny bit of it, inspires me to act and create the circumstances I want to experience. As I create what I want, I better understand how the universe works. As my understanding expands, I feel an indescribable inner peace.

On David R. Hawkins’ Map of Consciousness, peace is one step below enlightenment. It’s comforting to know that when I feel peace, I’m closer to being enlightened. I have a way to go before hope is unnecessary and much further to go before I reach enlightenment. Still, I’m comforted knowing that when I’m grateful, I create a virtuous cycle of joy, action, greater understanding, and peace that makes every step I take worthwhile.

What’s my point? Hope helps, but when I do something, life gets much, much better. Sure, this in-body experience is filled with challenges, but that’s why we chose to experience it. We learn from our experiences, and we get to create something amazing while facing obstacles galore. Am I okay with more of that? Absolutely.

When I don’t know where to start or what to do, I start by being grateful… for everything—the highs, the lows, and everything in between. When I remember to express my gratitude daily, I know the universe will provide me with more reasons to be grateful, and the virtuous cycle continues.